What is it particularly suitable for

Appreciation is a very effective stimulant in all social structures. Therefore, there is hardly any setting in which the appreciation spiral does not unfold its effect. In relation to the holidays, the appreciation spiral can help you with the following questions, for example:

1. The cook of the holiday menu is always praised in high tones but rather routinely. How to upgrade such standard compliments?
2. How can people who do not have an active part in the event, who are "automatically" praised, be included in the appreciation?
3. How can you make appreciation contagious so that praise spills over to others?

Why we love it

Because it's so simple and so beautifully positive, and because everyone wins.

Procedure

1. Find compliments: For all the family members you will see this holiday season, think in advance about at least two aspects that you sincerely appreciate about them. They should be specific things related to actions, if possible. So it's not, "I think your dark hair looks great," but "what you do with your hair always looks so great."
2. Upgrade the compliment to one of appreciation: Name a positive effect that the person's behavior has on you, thereby upgrading your compliment from a nicety to a personal gift. For example, "Thank you for always caring about when and where everyone meets. It really relaxes me not to have to worry about that. It's a bit like a vacation!"
3. Start the upward spiral: Begin to consistently express two to three such appreciations to each family member. You will see that something is guaranteed to come back and a few other family members will follow your example because the overall atmosphere will become more positive.
4. Praising the praise: Last but not least, praise others for expressing appreciation. What is meant here is not to join in the content of the appreciation ("you're absolutely right, I also think the roast was star chef worthy again"), but to affirm the one expressing it ("how cool that you noticed that about Dad and that you said it out loud"). Because affirmation reinforces behavior and when we praise the praising the upward spiral will pick up speed.

Insider tips or "this is what we think is important".

1. Make compliments individual and, if possible, provide a rationale. "You always tell it so nicely" is much more non-specific than, for example, "I think it's so funny how you characterize people when you tell an anecdote from the office. It's like you know the people".
2. Leave out irony and hidden jibes that can creep in during flippant private interactions ("for your age ..."). Even if the joking is properly understood, it diminishes the effect of a praise (and if this very joking tone is common between you, the omission has a doubly strong effect).
3. Do not overdo it with the length of the compliments. Effective appreciation also works in short sentences, while longer praise speeches decrease in effect over the duration.

Attitude

Mean what you say! People are constantly doing good things for us or delighting us with little things, even if it's (just) a friendly smile. To consciously look for it has in itself a positive effect for you. Saying it then feels unfamiliar and may come across as unfamiliar to the other person. But if you mean it sincerely, it takes comparatively little practice to get used to it - and has a wonderful effect on everyone involved in the process.

By the way: For a better readability we change the gender form per method.